With Cunning, Tact, And A Strategically Placed Leg
by a puzzling conundrum
Summary: [Renge x Haruhi] Renge had a soft spot for unexpectably romantic accidents, especially if these accidents just so happened to be carefully planned.


The members of the Newspaper Club were surprised enough at having a visitor: the school's only press organ didn't really have a good reputation, as it was mostly notorious for its inclination to gossip and the tendency to blow ordinary happenings completely out of proportion. Thus, they didn't really expect any of their fellow students to come to their clubroom for a purpose other than expressing their annoyance. However, their astonishment only become greater when the aforementioned visitor, flashing a charming smile (well, maybe one could have objections about the "charming" part, but it was a smile without doubt) asked for permission to browse their archive.

Dumbfounded, they handed her a rather unremarkable key to the club's storeroom, even forgetting to ask what purpose she needed to see the archive for. They didn't know that their guest shared their inclination to gossip, and blowing ordinary happenings out of proportion was a perfectly plausible way of spending free time for her.

* * *

Renge had already spent an hour in the Newspaper Club's storeroom (unusually stuffy and poky for Ouran Academy's standards: she wondered if the club members knew what a window was used for), browsing through the old issues carefully cathegorised on the shelves by their date, yet to no avail. 

She had one objective, frequently misunderstood by her fellow classmates as gossip: namely, _research_. She had come to this school not long ago, and she couldn't bear the fact that she was probably oblivious to all the scandalous love affairs and bitter feuds that without doubt occurred before her arrival. She wouldn't even dare to believe that there weren't any.

After a dozen issues, her certainity wavered.

Of course, some of the articles' titles sounded very promising. However, it also had to be said that the club members had an uncanny talent for writing extremely catchy, alluring headlines, that had very little in common with the content itself. It was, at least, reassuring to know that the people mentioned in both usually had the same names.

_Panic in the Student Council!! Who Will Solve The Crisis? _The phrase "student council" was surely worth her attention: unlike the article, which went on about the tragic conseqences of the aformentioned student council's printer getting broken.

_A Forbidden Romance: They Met By The Crossing. _Renge's heart started beating faster upon spotting the word "forbidden". However, a while later she noticed that everything forbidden about the supposed couple was the fact that they crossed the street together by the red light.

_Shocking Happenings During Host Club Dance Party! Another misleading title_, she thought, feeling defeated. _And here I hoped that-_

Her hopes were fulfilled as soon as she glanced at the photo accompanying the article.

It showed, without doubt, her beloved Haruhi kissing a rather unremarkable girl (she was from 2-B, as Renge could recall - she couldn't remember her name, though). And without doubt, their "collision" was accidental, as both of them had immensely surprised expressions, their eyes open wide in shock. There was also the subtitle, which made the whole thing even _reek_ of accidentality: how could anyone misunderstand the situation when it said "_An unfortunate accident leads to an unexpected kiss!?_".

Renge hastily skimmed through the article, a little too excited to read it thoroughtly, then looked again at the picture, delighted. So such things really happened, after all! And besides, _who _was the person they happened to! It was one of those coincidences that often proved to be not coincidental at all, as the two involved by the inevitable logic of plot most likely ended up falling in love with each other.That reasoning could sound at least slightly odd and contrived to some: however, Renge preferred to rely on her Uki Doki Memorial experiences (where, also _coincidentally_, she unlocked most of the accidental kisses CGs first) rather than on her slightly monotone love life.

She had to admit that the typical face-on-face collision of a girl and a guy was a little clichéd: it would, without doubt, be a slightly more refreshing if the involved were a guy and guy, but she couldn't complain. At least the photo was the proof that such impossibly fanservice-y accidents happened for real - which meant that, technically, there'd be nothing odd about it if such a coincidence occurred to her, Haruhi's biggest fangirl, as well.

...Despite that, Renge still had the impression that coincidences could be helped a little in a discreet and hardly noticeable manner.

* * *

Renge had no idea what she had been doing wrong. 

She had asked some of her fellow club regulars to knock her discreetly whenever she was in Haruhi's proximity - lightly, yet stongly enough to lead to an _unfortunate accident _with the object of her affection. After a while, Renge added that she would also appreciate sticking out a leg and placing it strategically, so that she could dramatically trip over into his arms, and preferably into his lips as well.

...It would be an exaggeration to say that nothing was going as planned. Her schoolmates' good will did indeed lead to a few collisions, but sadly, all of them involved rather unsightly body parts, such as legs, hips, and, in one case, ankles. The only consolation was the fact that Haruhi had become rather preoccupied and asked her a few times if everything was alright with her, patting her on the shoulder: in this very moment, Renge regretted that she wasn't able to faint at will and use it to her advantage.

(A few days later, some of the customers timidly told Tamaki that the floor was probably too slippery: after all, there was always this one girl who kept slipping on it, and it would be awful if she happened to break a leg)

* * *

At home, disappointed with her efforts, she started browsing her doujinshi. Yes, that could prove to be helpful: there must have been, after all, some strategy that would let her kiss Haruhi in a preferably coincidental manner - and then make him fall in love with her, obviously, because there was no way an accidental kiss would have no conseqences at all. At least, in her dating sims there have _always_ been conseqences, and that was an undeniable proof!

It was precisely when it dawned on her that she was using the wrong tactic for Haruhi's character type all along.

* * *

"So, um, Renge, it's already my next patron's turn..." Haruhi started, smiling sheepishly, as though saying these words was a rather unpleasant task for him. He anxiously looked around, maybe trying to guess who his new customer would be. 

"Ah, of course!" she answered hastily, laying down the now empty teacup on the table. She stood up and walked up to Haruhi's armchair and hesitated for a while, ignoring the slightly perplexed expression on his face. And she made her decision: she leaned over, pulled him close and kissed his cheek.

"...Renge?" he asked, slightly surprised (yet only _slightly_, she couldn't help but notice, which was a reaction weaker than she'd expected: it would be very appropriate for his personality type if he started blushing and stammering nervously).

"Oh," she replied innocently, smiling apologetically, "it's a very common way of bidding farewell in France, Haruhi."

He blinked and glanced at the girl, seeming a little perplexed, then shrugged, not looking particularly concerned.

"Well, if you say so, then I guess it's alright with me." he said, grinning slightly.

_I should have decidedly used the pure-hearted and straightforward approach before_, Renge thought, immensely satisfied.

-the end

_Author's notes: At last, I finished a Renge/Haruhi fic! I have a soft spot for this pairing, despite it being decidedly... uncommon. I tried to show how Renge perceives relationships in general basing on dating sims and clichés, wonder how it went out. I'm not too convinced about the flow of the story, though. Point out any errors you spot, as usual!_


End file.
